| Chapter
3 - I Will Not
Circumcise My Son!
Dear Gil
:One topic wasn’t
covered in your book and I’m curious about your
opinion on it. I have a real problem with circumcision
and I am not going to circumcise my sons (assuming I
have some). Here’s why I am against it.
1. I believe in
autonomy. I have the right to control my own body. I can
have an abortion when I want, have a baby, get plastic
surgery, get sterilized, etc., etc., I would be one hell
of a hypocrite if I was a staunch supporter of autonomy
for myself but then took away my son’s autonomy.
2. To quote my Indian
ex-boyfriend, "Any religion that says in order to
be one of us you have to cut off part of your son’s
penis is not a religion I want to be a part of."
3. The Bible is fables,
written by men (who weren’t that educated) so anything
in it needs to be taken with a grain of salt.
4. Nowadays, since
everyone takes a shower every day and properly cleans
themselves, there is no health benefit to a
circumcision. 100 years ago when people showered once a
year, then sure, it was healthier. When my son is old
enough to understand the ramifications of the situation,
then he can make the decision for himself and I’ll
support it. My current boyfriend (who I will probably
marry) agrees with me. I’m curious how you would have
responded to this if you were interviewing me for your
book.
Thanks
N
Dear N
:Your letter reminded
me of a cartoon I once saw that shows Abraham talking to
the sky and the caption reads: "Let me get this
straight: you want us to cut off a piece of our
WHAT?!" There was a time in my life when I thought
of the ritual of a circumcision or bris to be
barbaric and primitive. I came to this conclusion at the
age of 18 when I decided to get a front-row seat at the bris
of a cousin of mine. I am not sure what possessed me
to do this since the sight of blood from a tiny scratch
can make me ill. And sure enough, that is what happened
to me. In addition, the experience made me seriously
question the entire practice.
I have had two boys and
I can tell you their circumcisions were extremely
emotional and difficult for me to endure and I think
were even more so for my wife. And if I had to do it
again… I most definitely would!
In my experience, a bris
appears to trouble most people on some level. The
maternal instinct seems to give many women at least some
degree of hesitation about a bris. Every man I
have ever met has more than a few negative thoughts
about tinkering with this rather sensitive part of our
bodies —your Indian ex-boyfriend and Abraham in the
cartoon are good examples. And any man or woman with an
ounce of compassion has a strong reaction to the sight
and sound of a baby in pain.
Given all of this, why
am I in favor of performing a bris? Because of a
second and more important reaction that I have observed
at bris after bris. I have surmised that
those of us assembled who witness a bris and hear
the baby cry would like to do one of two things — beat
up the mohel (the guy doing the cuttin’), or
cuddle and comfort the baby… and his parents.
We want to protect this
baby as if he were ours. And I think that is the whole
point: he is ours! He is a member of our community, our
people, our extended family. We often speak of a mother
bonding with her baby. Through a bris I believe
as a community, we bond with this child on a most
primitive, emotional, tangible, and important level.
Now you mention in your
letter that the Bible consists of fables that need to be
taken with a grain of salt. I don’t have the space
here to discuss the validity of the Bible.** Even if I
did, nowhere in the Torah is any explanation given
beyond a circumcision being a symbol of the covenant
between God and the Jewish people (the word bris or
brit means covenant). My response to your point
is that a bris is the oldest ritual in Judaism.
For countless generations, our people have followed this
tradition. I wouldn’t want to be the person to break
this chain.
And while I respect
your comments about having autonomy over our bodies and
not wanting to be a hypocrite, I am sure glad my parents
followed our people’s tradition when I was eight days
old… an event I blissfully do not remember at all. I
sure would not have wanted to be given the privilege and
autonomy of deciding for myself when I had a grown man’s
body! And as an adolescent, I would not want to grapple
with the following: "Gee, I don’t look like all
the other Jewish guys at camp or in the locker
room!" In addition, parents do and must make
decisions about their childrens’ bodies. For example,
you will not ask your child’s input about
breast-feeding or vaccinations —these too are
questionable practices. A bris is beyond just a
physical decision; it is an emotional and religious
decision as well that I believe Jewish parents have a
right and obligation to decide for their child.
As to your argument
about health benefits, to me this never was, nor is, a
Jewish rationale, and besides, in the medical world, the
dispute continues as to possible benefits of
circumcision.
Related to medical
questions, I do want to say a couple more words about
the pain. First, babies don’t remember (though some
dispute this), and many babies today get analgesic to
remove pain. And even if this were not true, pain is not
necessarily bad. In the case of a bris, the
babies seem to do fine and I think the temporary pain we
feel as a community about a boy’s bris is
healthy.
Or to put this last
thought in the words of a cute greeting card: As Jews we
celebrate the birth of a baby boy with a circumcision.
All future birthdays are celebrated by eating cake!
Hope this has been of
help and thanks for writing!
Gil
**PS I have written a
couple of columns about believing the Bible.
You can read them on
line here
www.BeingJewish.org/jewishemail/resp1120.html
and
www.BeingJewish.org/jewishemail/article46.html
Email Responses to
"I Will Not Circumcise My Son!"
Subj: Circumcision
Date: 11/9
6:20:44 PM CST
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
Dear Gil
:I take issue with your
reasoning because the woman who wrote to you was saying
that this tradition is cruel to the baby boy. Slavery
has been a long held tradition. So has anti-Semitism.
Those are chains of tradition that still need breaking
in many parts of the world.
Subj: Circumcision
Date: 10/14
10:55:39 PM CDT
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
Dear Gil
:Your answer was very
appropriate. Unfortunately the author of the e-mail
doesn’t understand her religion and is disconnected. I
am pasting an article referring to the medical issues
pertaining to circumcision. It is very interesting to
note that the clotting agent we possess is at its
lifelong peak on the 8th day of life and never reaches
that level again. Hmmm, a coincidence? I think not!
Be well,
Name
www.innernet.org.il/article.php?aid=109
Subj: To
Bris or Not to Bris.
Date: 10/15
3:18:14 AM CDT
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
Dear Gil
:As an RN, I have
witnessed a few circumcisions in the hospital — those
are the ones I find to be barbaric. They are done in a
procedure room, the infant is strapped down on a hard
plastic board and the techniques they use vary in length
of time and amount of discomfort. They are usually done
by the OB/GYN, occasionally by the pediatrician and
almost never by a urologist. I have participated in
corrective surgeries for incomplete or bad circumcisions
— these procedures are the ones that make it to the
urologist.
A bris, however, is a
ceremony — beautiful ceremony. It shows to God and the
world you are bringing another Jew into the world —
that you are still committed to being Jewish and raising
your children as Jews (to whatever extent you practice).
Yes, the actual "cutting" is uncomfortable,
particularly to the adult males in the room and to those
who can not take the sight of blood — the question of
whether or not there is pain or how much to the baby is
also uncomfortable — but if you find the ‘right’
Rabbi or Mohel, the ceremony is very moving — the
naming that goes with the Bris is also a connection to
our more recent past — naming for a loved one who is
no longer here on earth, but always close to heart —
the Bris is the connection to our history as Jews — to
all of our ancestors
I have had the
circumcision conversation with friends and colleagues
who are not Jewish — it’s difficult to explain the
importance of the Bris — to really give it a meaning
they can understand, but I usually give the definition
of the Brit. I also explain how my son was placed on a
pillow, draped in cloth and held by my uncle. I then
describe the naming ceremony and kind of lighten it with
this: "At least in our religion, they get a drop of
wine and a blessing."
I agree that looking
like other Jewish boys and looking like his father is
important
Name
Subj: Circumcision
Date: 10/15
3:50:25 AM CDT
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
Dear Gil,
I am a retired
Urologist 83 years old now. I "went through"
Orthodox, Conservative, Reformed to Nonobservant.
Notwithstanding this, I strongly and openly identify
myself as a Jew. I was in active practice for 43 years.
The arguments pro and
con circumcision are in the "abstract " as far
as I am concerned, because of what I observed during
that very active span
:1. Only uncircumcised
men, or those men who, for various reasons, had
circumcision done late in life, develop Cancer of the
penis.
2. If you were to
actually see a case, it would repel you, it is that
horrible.
3. If you could be
party to the mutilating and ineffective treatment, you
would be horrified.
4. If you could witness
the frustration, fear, consternation and revulsion the
wife experiences during the course of her husband’s
affliction, you might well change your mind about
circumcision. Circumcision, if nothing else, insures
that your sons will not be subject to such risks.
Incidentally, I have
two grown sons, each of whom had a Brith Melah [another
way in Hebrew to say circumcision]. I had been so
appalled at the horrible results I had on occasion seen
done by both Mohels and Physicians (which I was called
upon to surgically revise), that I circumcised each of
them myself. I endorse ritual circumcision, if only as
insurance!
Name, MD,
City, State
Subj: re:
email of the week
Date: 10/15
7:48:51 AM CDT
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
Hi,
I agree with the woman
who chose not to circumcise her sons. I believe strongly
in Jewish ritual and community. I am currently applying
to Rabbinic school. However, I believe that it is
essential to focus on the spirit of ritual and not just
the letter of it. There are many other rituals in Torah
that we have adapted or let go of. Some things like
ritual sacrifice and circumcision seem to be antiquated.
I know many circumcised
men who never give a second thought to the covenant
between God and the Jewish people. Their behavior and
their choices do not honor it. To me, this is far more
important than the state of their penis. I believe that
circumcision should be a choice. It is unfortunate that
parents often value ritual over spirit.
Name
Subj: Bris
Date: 10/17
3:38:51 PM CDT
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
I am a Reform Jew, and
truly believe that not all man-written traditions apply
to our lives today, but this one is a "mark"
to be worn with pride and reverence to all those who
came before us and especially of all those to come.
Subj: Bris
Date: 10/15
3:54:23 PM CDT
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
Gil: I have to agree
with the reader who contends that the raison de etre for
the bris is no longer valid, due to the vast differences
in sanitary practices then and now. Having been a "sondiker"
[the honorary job at a Bris to give the baby a pacifier
usually dipped in wine] for my grandson, he not only
fought with all of his puny strength, but turned blue
and passed out. I see no reason for it now, except for
the Orthodox who’s robotic answer is always, "It
says in the bible —" Enough already!
Name
Subj: Bris
Date: 10/15
12:13:33 PM CDT
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
Dear Gil,
It saddened me to read
the letter of the week. Unfortunately it did not shock
me. I am saddened that so many of our people think that
the Torah is just fables written by some old uneducated
men. What a tragedy that this woman has been denied the
treasure of our Torah which was given to us by G-D This
topic is of special interest to me because, G-D willing
we will be having a bris on Sun morn 10/17 for our 2nd
son, 3rd child.
G-D bless you.
Name
Subj: Bris
question
Date: 10/15
10:27:22 AM CDT
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
Your questioner might,
by application of logic develop a series of reasons to
discontinue any aspect of Jewish observance. If that
were an acceptable approach, and we accepted absolute
democracy on all issues, I think that any of us can see
we would pretty soon have so many acceptable
interpretations of the traditions that we would have no
common base. That would quickly lead to the end of the
Jewish people.
Therefore, if the
person is truly interested in being Jewish, thereby
implying an interest in Jewish continuity, they should
seriously reconsider the concept of unlimited individual
autonomy regarding halachic [Jewish law] issues. I don’t
mean to imply that we don’t change things, because we
do, but that there is an accepted process that usually
includes discourse amongst knowledgeable leaders of our
community.
Name
Subj: to
bris or not
Date: 10/15
2:56:14 AM CDT
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
I’ve known several
adult male converts to Judaism who needed more than just
the pinprick of blood to satisfy the circumcision
requirement. I would much rather shudder with the
concept of the pain at 8 days, then to walk as gingerly
as they had to for somewhat longer than three days.
Having attended a fairly large number of them now, I
know that with the current numbing gels that are
available, the parents feel far more pain than the
child. There have been a few without any outcry at all
— or if there was, it was because the pacifier
slipped, and not because of the cut. Also, the mother is
not commanded to do this. The father is. Predating the
Oedipus complex concept by thousands of years, one
subconscious reassurance for father -son relationships
is that any of us "could" have pulled an
Akeidah [the sacrifice of Isaac in the Bible] trick.
Instead we bring our son into the covenant.
Subj: circumcision
Date: 10/26
12:24 AM CST
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
hello
i’m a 40 jewish
mother of 3 children… 1girl and 2 boys… i just
wanted to say that though i am jewish i did not
circumcise my boys… i could not give them any pain
that was not necessary. my God loves you no matter what…
circumcised or not !! and as far as being different…
there are more and more people choosing not to
circumcise!!!
i have made my decision
and am truly at peace with it… and my sons are still
jewish…
thanks for reading
Name
Subj: "Bris"
of course
Date: 10/26/99
7:53 AM CST
From:
To: Gil Mann@aol.com
Dear Gil
:How many more
"traditions" are we, as Jews going to break
from? You should also mention a recent study concerning
the rise of Cancer of the cervix in jewish women… The
conclusion being in the "sexual revolution"
more jewish women had multiple sexual partners and not
all were circumsized… leading to theory when jewish
women had sex with circumsized jewish (or non) males
that the incidence of this cancer was very low if it
existed at all… Gives us food for thought on several
levels doesn’t it?
Name
City, State
Subj: circumcision
Date: 10/27
10:44 PM CST
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
I saw the article about
the women who did not want to circumcise her son. Though
she has a right to her own decision, she is taking away
from her sons life. As a Jew it is part of our culture
and traditions and if and hopefully he wants to continue
being Jewish and marry a Jewish woman he cannot marry
her in the Jewish law. He cannot be called to the Torah
either. reason for this is. That is what makes him part
of the Jewish religion when a boy is 8 days old. Besides
studies have shone that it is healthier and cleaner for
a boy when he becomes a man… Also the sex is better.
I am now pregnant with
my first child. And if it is a boy I WILL have him
circumcised along with a bris. I think it is important
to continue the Jewish traditions and if we don’t who
will. You are going to let Hitler win after almost 50
years. We have to marry Jewish and raise our children
Jewish and let them continue the religion as Abraham set
forth 5760 years ago. (OK with some modernism to it.)
Signed a very concerned
Jew who worries about the continuation of Judaism.
Subj: To
Bris or not to Bris
Date: 10/30
11:46 AM CST
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
I am a Jewish female in
an interfaith marriage. Recently, June in fact, I gave
birth to a happy bouncy baby boy. To have a Bris was
never a question in my mind. It is a covenant between
GOD and the Jews and I would not want to break the
chain. My husband was very concerned and unsure of the
Bris. He agreed to circumcise his son but, was concerned
about the Bris — a party celebrating cutting a piece
of his son.
Our son’s Bris
brought together members of my family that had not
spoken in 5 years. It was a beautiful, meaningful
ceremony. The mohel, Dr. Name, was wonderful. The
ceremony included pieces of the bible and written verses
from the heart. Aaron’s family had the opportunity to
write letters to Aaron about future hopes.
The emotions involved
in the Bris — the family letters, etc. —
overshadowed the main reason, the circumcision. If I had
another son would I Bris? Absolutely!
Subj: To
Have Or Not to Have a Bris
Date: 11/11
3:16 PM CST
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
I was sad after reading
the letter from the woman regarding not having a Bris
for her not yet conceived child.
By having a non Jewish
boyfriend she prepares herself for the eventual
disassociation with traditional Judaism. First goes the
Bris, then the Shul [synagogue], then the education. The
people of the Bible had a very deep connection
spiritually with Hashem [God, literally meaning The
Name]. They believed in the importance of a family
religion, Torah study, and the sanctity of Prayer and
Mitzvoth [commandments]. These principles are what
allowed us to survive.
Let us be honest.
Reject the "core" of our belief and you are
left with the "peel." I pray that G-d will
sway her marriage choice to a committed Jew and that she
waits to have children until she has committed to
raising a Jewish child in a spiritually rich home.
Subj: Circumcision
Date: 12/9
6:55:44 PM CST
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
I was concerned about
the response that today sanitation precludes the need
for circumcision as a health issue. For some reason, my
mind goes back to Viet Nam, where men had to go weeks,
maybe months without proper hygiene and suffered for it,
especially their feet. Perhaps, so long as there are
wars… there should be circumcision.
Subj: circumcision
Date: 12/3
8:57:16 PM CST
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
dear Gil, There seems
to me to be a strong relationship between body piercing,
tattooing and circumcision. They have been used for
tribal distinction for untold ages. Biblical Hebrew men
had many rules of dress (fringed garments) and how wear
their hair (not shave the corners of the beard) besides
the circumcision to make them unique. This may have
served as a deterrent to desertion because it was so in
eradicable. Interestingly, the females, although they
were chattel were not "branded."
Subj: Circumcision
Date: 11/12
7:37:34 AM CST
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
As I rapidly approach
the age of 60 next month, I humbly thank my life long
Catholic father and mother (may they rest in peace) for
having had me circumcised prior to bringing me home from
the hospital. My parents raised me to be a free thinker
and allowed me to search for a religion I could fully
accept and live my life by. Over the years, I went from
Catholic to Baptist, to Lutheran, and finally to
Mormonism. Alas, there was none that didn’t have any
flaws or other things that I could not accept. Then I
began to research Judaism after having witnessed the
persecution of a well educated and experienced applicant
for a teaching position in a local college. Now, after
studying for 17 years, learning to read and write Hebrew
and understanding the Hebrew in the Siddur [prayerbook]
I am converting and having a Bar Mitzvah soon. I have to
have only a token bris at the age of 60, but if
necessary I would have the whole thing if that were what
it took to be found worthy of being adopted into the
tribe of Abraham.
Subj: Circumcision
Date: 11/24
8:55:37 PM CST
From:
To: GilMann@aol.com
I once asked a rabbi
why is this procedure for binding ourselves to G-d
performed on this spot of the body? He said that the
site of the procedure is on the organ through which
tremendous joy enters our lives and is also the place
where the sperm comes out in order to create new life.
My own thought is that this organ can be used for very
good purposes and for very evil purposes. That by
binding our baby boys to G-d through this ceremony/
surgery and by explaining to them as they grow up both
potentials for this organ, that they will choose to use
it properly.
Concluding Thoughts to
Copy, Cut, Paste, and Save
This subject of
circumcision generated as much or more mail than any
subject I have written about over the years. What to
make of this? I’ve tried to understand this strong
response ever since. Why did this topic catch your
interest? Maybe that is part of the answer.
There is more than one
reason, but here is the main conclusion I’ve reached:
all of the attention is due to the area of the body we’re
discussing. Fifty percent of the world (the males) takes
this subject VERY personally. Circumcised or not, it
takes very little for guys to think of this part of our
anatomy. The notion of cutting or hurting this sensitive
organ will make most any man cringe and definitely gets
our attention. Then there is the other fifty percent of
the world —who usually have at least some interest in
this appendage. In addition, most women cringe as well
at the thought of their baby enduring any physical pain.
I’ve read
explanations that Jews were asked to make circumcision a
sign of their covenant with God precisely because we are
especially mindful of this part of the human physique.
In addition, the penis is a critical and tangible
element in the reproductive cycle. What would be a more
obvious place to mark that Jews, from generation to
generation, should have a unique relationship with God?
Rabbi Yitz Greenberg
explains that circumcision is an unavoidable reminder to
Jewish men that they have a commitment to behave in holy
ways prescribed by God in the Bible. Circumcision
prevents Jews from hiding from that duty by posing as
"ordinary" people. What about Jewish women,
you may be wondering? First, there is the traditional
Jewish explanation that women do not need this outward
physical "reminder" because they are naturally
more holy than men. This theme is elaborated on in the
chapter called "Why Does Judaism Discriminate
Against Women?"
But beyond that, in
modern times, an equivalent ceremony has become
commonplace for Jewish baby girls. The ceremony is
called a baby naming and does not involve placing any
physical mark on the girls. The ceremony varies from
family to family but generally includes many of the
blessings commonly recited at a bris that welcome
the child into the people Israel and speak of the
parents’ gratitude and responsibility for their new
baby girl.
Some argue that this
should be good enough for the boys as well. Some go even
further and argue in strong terms that circumcision is
mutilation. I don’t share these views and see
circumcision as a sacred ritual that has been a part of
my people from day one. Personally, I find meaning and
value in the rite of circumcision on many levels, not
the least of which is spiritual (and this chapter could
have been in the Spirituality section of this book —or
the Peoplehood section, too, for that matter).
I’m a fairly flexible
and open-minded guy when it comes to Jewish thinking and
practice. Ceasing circumcision, though, crosses a line
for me that I don’t feel comfortable violating.
However, you can see from the variety of opinions
expressed in this chapter that not everyone shares my
thinking. These diverse opinions give you a hint of the
challenges facing Judaism in this modern age. These
challenges go far beyond circumcision. Today, everyone
seems to have opinions about Judaism and Jewish
practice, as you will see as you read on…
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