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Most of us do not give a lot of thought to how our
Jewish community reaches out to and assists Jews who
have disabilities.Too often these Jews and their
families are overlooked. Here is an inspiring story that
we hope will change this...
There could not have been a more appropriate quote to
describe our
daughter Rita becoming a Bat
Mitzvah this past summer than
the one
above which appeared in her Haftorah.
With B’nai
Mitzvot happening
every weekend in synagogues around the world, you must
certainly be
wondering what is so unique about this particular one?
This is a story
about a young girl, now a young woman, who defied all
odds to get to
the day of her Bat
Mitzvah and celebrate the
magical transformation
embodied in our tradition.
Rita was born 13 years ago with spina bifida, a birth
defect that caused
an opening on her back exposing her spinal cord. To
complicate matters,
she was also born 6 weeks premature and had
underdeveloped lungs.
While thirty years ago, there would have been no medical
intervention
for a child born with such serious complications, just
thirteen years ago
our doctors were still not confident Rita would make it
through her first
night.
When Rita needed to have surgery the next day to close
her spine, again
the doctors told us they didn’t think she would live,
especially through
this precarious trauma. During the surgery Rita could not
remain on her
stomach and keep breathing even with the help of a
respirator, so the
anesthesiologist had to pump her small chest by hand
throughout the
whole surgery.
Not only did Rita survive, she went on to have and
conquer more medical
problems than you can imagine. Rita endured over 70
operations and
many extended hospital stays including one surgical
procedure when
she was six years old that changed and redefined her
young life. That
procedure left Rita in a wheel chair forever.
Being Jewish was important to both my wife and I. We
wanted Rita to
have a Jewish education like her brother Scott. From the
beginning, it was
tough. Our synagogue preschool was not handicap
accessible (Rita would have to walk up
long, steep stairs using a walker and sometimes
forearm crutches to get to parts of the school).
But the preschool administration welcomed us
with open arms and made as many accommodations
as they could to include her in the
school. It was testing and even dangerous
moving her up and down and from room to
room. But they did it just the same.
When the time for Hebrew school arrived, we
found the physical plant of our local school was
not the right place for Rita. Unfortunately, they
had classes on multiple floors and few handicap-accessible areas. While the administration
did their best to accommodate Rita in their
school, it was mutually decided that home
tutoring would be a better solution.
Then, in grade 5, Rita’s Saturday morning
program to learn Bat
Mitzvah skills began. It too
was at the synagogue and again there were
many problems getting her around to the classrooms which were totally inaccessible for anyone in a
wheelchair. Many times Rita would stay upstairs by the entry
and
work alone with a teacher instead of with her peers.
The most important of the many places not fully
accessible
to the physically disabled community at our synagogue
was
the bima
(the pulpit). Seeing this, my
wife went into action
early on working with the synagogue board to develop
ways
to ensure that by the time Rita would become a Bat
Mitzvah,
the bima would be accessible for her. A plan was made to
build a handicap lift from the sanctuary floor to the bima
and in front of the building, curb cuts and automatic
doors
were installed to accommodate wheel chairs.
Our synagogue traditionally honors the Bar
and Bat
Mitzvah
students for the coming year by having them lead the
Havdallah service
on Yom Kippur. To
join her fellow classmates
on the bima,
Rita went up the newly created
lift —
made to "lift the valley and lower the
mountains". It was a
magical moment for our family as well as the entire
congregation.
Many people came up to us afterward telling us how
special it was to see Rita up on the bima
for the first time.
As her Bat
Mitzvah neared Rita ended up
in the hospital for
a few months, missing a lot of her training. She had to
work
extremely hard to catch up for lost time. She was often
frustrated
and overwhelmed, but she held it together. Through
all of these barriers, Rita’s perseverance allowed her
to learn
the necessary skills to successfully complete her Bat
Mitzvah.
It was now, August 12, 2000, the day of her
Bat Mitzvah, It
was Shabbat Nachamu, the
first Shabbat after Tisha
B’Av, referred
to as the "Shabbat of healing and
comfort", a very apt time to have
Rita’s Bat
Mitzvah. As she appeared
upon the bima,
there
was not a dry eye
in the synagogue. Everyone there appreciated
her bumpy road to Bat
Mitzvah.
But this particular Shabbat was extraordinary even
before
it was partnered with Rita Melamed, an extraordinary
young
woman. On this Shabbat the Torah contains both the Shema
and the Ten Commandments. Moses and the Israelites were
nearing the end of their journey to the Holy Land. The
people
were getting tired of wandering, so Moses essentially
gives
them a pep talk. He tells them to hang in there, keep
your
faith in God, the tough times are almost over and they
are
almost ready to enter the promised land.
Rita did an amazing job. It was a very
emotional time for our family and
extended family. Just seeing her come
up the bima
and prepare to lead the
service caused many damp eyes.
Normally, the Bat
Mitzvah leads the
service from a podium on the bima,
but
Rita was unable to reach it from her wheel
chair. So the podium was replaced by a
special table. From there Rita could be seated and lead
the
service, read from the Torah, and chant her Haftorah.
All the
other Torah readers read from the same table she used. Our
rabbi also gave his speech to Rita sitting at the same
table,
maintaining the feeling and flow of the day. His
comments
were particularly moving and appropriate as he shared
with
the congregation that Rita’s Hebrew name is "Rokefet"—
a
unique flower that grows in the desert amongst rocks.
This day was a day to remember. Seeing Rita lead the
service, read from the Torah, and chant her Haftorah
on the
bima.
Leading
with a confidence that can’t be imagined. For
me, one of the highlights of the service was when the
Torah
was returned to the Ark. Rita calmly headed over to the
lift
to get down from the bima
and then followed the
procession
completely around the sanctuary in her wheelchair. When
the procession was finished, she again, without
hesitation,
headed over to the lift to go up to the bima
for her personal
prayer and the placing of the Torah back in the Ark.
After my wife and I gave Rita our speeches, and the
Rabbi
gave his talk, Rita again went over to the lift to come
down
to join us until the conclusion of the service. She
moved
confidently with her head high. As the service
concluded,
Rita had one more job to do — to lead the Kiddush
from the
bima. Before
anyone could tell her to, she was off to the lift
to lead the congregation in the final prayer.
We couldn’t have done any of this without the help and
cooperation
of our Rabbi Rob Kahn, our synagogue Beth El of
Minneapolis and the Minneapolis Talmud Torah. I know we
have opened the eyes of our community to how important
it
is to make our buildings and programs accessible to all.
I often recall that day, reliving every moment, every
prayer
and portion. But mostly I recall Rita’s composure and confidence. I’m sad now, because it’s over and I wanted
it to go on
forever — hopefully it will in some measure as she
continues
to participate in synagogue by reading Torah.
I now ask you to reread the introductory quote from
Haftorah
Va-etchanan. Is
there more meaning to it now than when you
originally read it? Our family certainly hopes so.
Finally, I would like to leave you with something my
cousin,
a Rabbi who flew in from Washington, DC said when he
came
up to us after the service. "I have been to a lot of
services, "he
said, "but at this service, I felt closer to God
than ever before."
If you would like to contact the Melameds, they invite
your emails.Write
to: HMELAMED@AOL.com.
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Being
a more ETHICAL person.
