Dear E:

Your observation took me aback a bit since the complaint I usually hear is that synagogues are cold and unwelcoming. During the High Holidays when tickets are being checked at the door, this criticism is even more pronounced. ("Why do I need to pay to pray?" is a different issue that I’ve addressed in another column you can see here: http://www.beingjewish.org/jewishemail/article44.html)

In general, I think a kind and warm greeting is almost always appreciated. In fact, I’ve chosen your email because I’d like to encourage synagogues to institute the policy of having greeters plus even more. I’ve seen and valued greeters at a number of synagogues and churches.

Having said that, I can see your point, though I think an "embarrassed" reaction is probably the exception. The key is to come up with a greeting that would be safe and not embarrassing for nonmembers and members. (Bear in mind that statistics show that most members of synagogues seldom show up for services.)

Something like this would work: "Shabbat Shalom" or "Shanah Tovah! If I can help you in any way, please let me know! Welcome!"

Beyond greeters, I believe a "welcoming culture" should be the mantra throughout the synagogue. This should be felt from the bimah to the pews to the classrooms.

I recommend a good article that broadly addresses this issue by Rabbi Hayim Herring, the Executive Director of Synagogues: Transformation and Renewal (STAR; www.starsynagogue.org). You can read the article at this website: http://tinyurl.com/jxdjq.

Here are 6 suggestions of my own that demonstrate what I mean by a welcoming culture:

1. There should be designated members of the congregation at every service or program who wear name tags that say: "Welcome! Please ask me about [name of synagogue]." These folks should be trained to welcome others and be knowledgeable about opportunities to participate in synagogue life.

2. At the end of a class, program or service, the rabbi and others should call attention to this welcoming group and ask them to stand and invite people to seek them out with questions.

3. On every chair in the sanctuary, there should be newsletters available that describe opportunities to get involved at the synagogue with easy steps and contact information.

4. Information for members, non-members and newcomers about the synagogue and opportunities to participate should be featured on the synagogue’s website and publications in a friendly and graphically obvious way.

5. Members should be regularly encouraged to introduce themselves topeople they don’t know. Elaine Kleinman of STAR told me that "a truly welcoming synagogue does not have a committee of greeters, because all of their members are welcoming." Another suggestion from Marsha Rothpan of STAR was to have a buddy system where veteran members adopt a new member.

6. Finally, I’ll leave you with a powerful technique that Marshal Lehman, the president of my synagogue, Beth El in Minneapolis, used last Yom Kippur. He asked people to stand and remain standing if:

• They or their child had been married at Beth El.
• They or their child had gone to Beth El’s pre-school.
• They or their child had a bar/bat mitzvah at Beth El.
• They or their child had participated in the youth group.
• A member of the clergy had visited them or a member of their family in the hospital.
• A member of the clergy or a lay person had led a shivah service for a member of their family.

At this point, he asked us to look around at our Beth El family and see that virtually all were standing. Then he said, "If you see someone who is still seated, they are likely a newcomer or a guest with us this Yom Kippur. Please introduce yourself and welcome this person." In my case, this wonderful technique led us to meet the woman sitting near us who recently moved to my city. She joined us in our home a few hours later to break the fast.

What a wonderful way to both start the New Year and make my synagogue a more welcoming place.

I hope these suggestions can make your synagogue a warmer and more welcoming place.

Wishing you, all my readers and the people Israel shalom and