Dear Readers, These columns began on my area of America Online, called:  Judaism Today:  Where Do I Fit?   People anonymously sent me E-Mail, and I began to choose one for a public response in my Jewish E-Mail of the Week column. The column has become quite popular and is now syndicated internationally in many Jewish papers and websites.  I hope you find they help you as you think about the Ethics, Spirituality and Peoplehood components of the Jewish way of Life.  I welcome your comments... see the end of the column. Gil PS  Teachers and others, feel free to copy my columns and forward them or use them as you see fit.  Please see the friendly copyright notice at the end.

I Will Not Circumcise My Son!

Dear Gil:

I just finished reading your book and I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed it. I identified with every character you talked to.

One topic wasn't covered in your book and I'm curious about your opinion on it. I have a real problem with circumcision and I am not going to circumcise my sons (assuming I have some). Here's why I am against it.

1. I believe in autonomy. I have the right to control my own body. I can have an abortion when I want, have a baby, get plastic surgery, get sterilized, etc., etc., I would be one hell of a hypocrite if I was a staunch supporter of autonomy for myself but then took away my son's autonomy.

2. To quote my Indian ex-boyfriend, "Any religion that says in order to be one of us you have to cut off part of your son's penis is not a religion I want to be a part of.

3. The bible is fables, written by men (who weren't that educated) so anything in it needs to be taken with a grain of salt.

4. Nowadays, since everyone takes a shower every day and properly cleans themselves, there is no health benefit to a circumcision. 100 years ago when people showered once a year, then sure, it was healthier.

When my son is old enough to understand the ramifications of the situation, then he can make the decision for himself and I'll support it. My current boyfriend (who I will probably marry) agrees with me. I'm curious how you would have responded to this if you were interviewing me for your book.

Thanks

N

Dear N:

Your letter reminded me of a cartoon I saw that shows Abraham talking to the sky and the caption reads: "Let me get this straight: you want us to cut off a piece of our WHAT?!"

There was a time in my life when I thought of the ritual of a circumcision or bris to be barbaric and primitive. I came to this conclusion at the age of 18 when I decided to get a front row seat at the bris of a cousin of mine. I am not sure what possessed me to do this since the sight of blood from a tiny scratch can make me ill. And sure enough, that is what happened to me. In addition, the experience made me seriously question the entire practice.

I have had two boys and I can tell you their circumcisions were extremely emotional and difficult for me to endure and I think even more so for my wife. And if I had to do it again...I most definitely would!

In my experience, a bris appears to trouble most people on some level. The maternal instinct seems to give many women at least some degree of hesitation about a bris. Every man I have ever met has more than a few negative thoughts about tinkering with this rather sensitive part of our bodies -- your Indian ex-boyfriend and Abraham in the cartoon are good examples. And any man or woman with an ounce of compassion has a strong reaction to the sight and sound of a baby in pain.

Given all of this, why am I in favor of performing a bris? Because of a second and more important reaction that I have observed at bris after bris. I have surmised that those of us assembled who witness a bris and hear the baby cry would like to do one of two things -- beat up the mohel (the guy doing the cuttin') , or cuddle and comfort the baby...and his parents.

We want to protect this baby as if he was ours. And I think that is the whole point: he is ours! He is a member of our community, our people, our extended family. We often speak of a mother bonding with her baby. Through a bris I believe as a community we bond with this child on a most primitive, emotional, tangible and important level.

Now you mention in your letter that the Bible consists of fables that need to be taken with a grain of salt. I don't have the space here to discuss the validity of the Bible. Even if I did, no where in the Torah is any explanation given beyond a circumcision being a symbol of the covenant between God and the Jewish people (The word bris or brit means covenant.) My response to your point is that a bris is the oldest ritual in Judaism. For countless generations our people have followed this tradition. I wouldn't want to be the person to break this chain.

And while I respect your comments about having autonomy over our bodies and not wanting to be a hypocrite, I am sure glad my parents followed our people's tradition when I was 8 days old...an event I blissfully do not remember at all. I sure would not have wanted to be given the privilege and autonomy of deciding for myself when I had a grown man's body! And as an adolescent, I would not want to grapple with the following: "Gee, I don't look like all the other Jewish guys at camp or in the locker room!"

In addition parents do and must make decisions about their children's' bodies. For example, you will not ask your child's input about breast feeding or vaccinations -- these too are questionable practices. A bris is beyond just a physical decision, it is an emotional and religious decision as well that I believe Jewish parents have a right and obligation to decide for their child.

As to your argument about health benefits. To me this never was, nor is, a Jewish rational and besides in the medical world the dispute continues as to possible benefits of circumcision.

Related to medical questions, I do want to say a couple more words about the pain. First babies don't remember (though some dispute this,) and many babies today get anesthetic to remove pain. And even if this was not true, pain is not necessarily bad. In the case of a bris, the babies seem to do fine and I think the temporary pain we feel as a community about a boy's bris is healthy.

Or to put this last thought in the words of a cute greeting card: As Jews we celebrate the birth of a baby boy with a circumcision. All future birthdays are celebrated by eating cake!

Hope this has been of help and thanks for writing!

Gil

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Thanks,
Gil