Dear
Readers,
These columns began on my area of America Online, called: Judaism
Today: Where Do I Fit? People anonymously
sent me E-Mail, and I began to choose one for a public response
in my Jewish E-Mail of the Week column. The column has become
quite popular and is now syndicated internationally in many
Jewish papers and websites. I hope you find they help you
as you think about the Ethics, Spirituality and Peoplehood
components of the Jewish way of Life. I welcome your
comments... see the end of the column.
Gil
PS
Teachers and others, feel free to copy my columns and forward
them or use them as you see fit. Please see the friendly
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Bizarre
Jewish Sex!!!--A Follow Up
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Last
week's Jewish E-Mail of the Week
entitled "Bizarre Jewish
Sex" generated a ton of
E-mail--which I suppose is not too
surprising. The column was a response
to an inquiry I received asking about
the alleged Jewish practice of having
sex through a hole in a sheet.
As
I wrote last week, 6 rabbis I checked
with knew very little or nothing about
this practice and I concluded that the
sex through a sheet was some kind of
false rumor. I also invited
explanations from readers who could
shed light on this mystery.
The
mail I received contained many bits
and pieces of clues. Three different
explanations emerged. Explanation #1
was offered by several readers--I
would call this the Amish answer. Here
is what one reader wrote:
"Actually
I have heard of the practice, but it
was about one of the very strict,
early, religions here in America. I
believe it was one of the Amish, or
some such sects, that were beyond our
current understanding of modesty
between the sexes.
My
family background is Pennsylvania
Dutch and the verbal traditions of old
practices were both rich and varied.
How much was truth or fairy tail you
could never be sure, a lot depended on
who was telling the story."
Explanation
# 2 was also sent in by a couple of
readers. I call it the Spanish answer:
"I
saw the practice in a movie Como Agua
Para Chocolate (Like Water For
Chocolate) which is a Spanish movie
but has English subtitles. My Spanish
teacher told me that some old Spanish
customs had a newly married couple use
a hole in the sheet for their first
night together."
Finally,
the most plausible explanation sent in
by many readers: author Naomi Regan in
her book Japhte's Daughter apparently
makes reference to an ultra Orthodox
Chassidic man who has sex through a
sheet.
Armed
with this last explanation, I
approached a Chassidic rabbi and asked
him what the story was. Basically he
told me this is total nonsense...as
did his wife! They told me they have
heard this rumor for years and really
don't know where it came from.
Of
course I basically wrote this last
week too--but many readers encouraged
me to talk to a Chassidic Jew to find
out the "true" story. One of
the rabbis I spoke with last time
around was Chassidic. So if you are
keeping count, now that is 2 Chassidic
rabbis and one Chassidic wife amongst
others, who have debunked this sheet
myth.
Just
for good measure, I contacted author
Naomi Regan in Jerusalem and she told
me that the sex through a sheet
practice, "certainly [is] not the
norm in anyway. And even the
ultra-Orthodox deny it exists....In my
opinion this custom -- if it exists at
all--is another one of those that
creeped into Judaism from the Middle
Ages from the non-Jewish world, where
sex was held as a sin and necessary
evil. Authentic Judaism has always had
an earthy, healthy attitude towards
marital relations."
So
there you have it: Jews having sex
through a sheet is RUMOR CITY- BIG
TIME!!!
One
other letter I will throw in here
because it made me smile came from a
woman who is now converting to
Judaism. She wrote:
"I
am studying to become a Jew by choice.
I heard about "hole in the sheet
sex" ages ago, before I became
interested in Judaism. At the time I
assumed & hoped(!) it was mis-information/rumor.
(After all, I rationalized, Dr. Ruth
is Jewish!)
Was
SO relieved to know after I began
investigating that this is, as you
point out, completely contrary to
Jewish law."
So,
Amish, Spanish or Jewish...what do all
of these have in common? "Ish!"
Which is also the first syllable of
the word ishkabibbel which is a good
summary of what I have discovered.
The
one thing that was clear from all of
the E-mail I received and contacts I
have made is that NOBODY, I repeat
NOBODY, actually knew of any human of
any religion, nationality or tribe
that practiced hole in the sheet sex.
So
what can be learned from this
"hole" mess? I conclude that
we should all endeavor to avoid
listening to and passing on
stereotypes and rumors. Tempting as it
is to speak about others, doing so is
not wise, is often destructive and for
good measure, is against Jewish Law.
Unintentionally,
in my efforts to clear this mystery up
I fear I may have added to the rumor
mill. I hope not--I certainly do not
want to leave the impression that
Amish, Spanish or anybody else have
sex through a hole in a sheet.
I
do want to reiterate a point from last
week's response that is clear--the
Jewish attitude toward sex. Judaism
places restrictions on sexual behavior
but definitely does not view sex
between married couples as sinful or
dirty. On the contrary, between a
husband and wife, Judaism views sex as
positive, healthy and worthy of
enjoyment. I hope this puts this hole
in sheet business to bed -- sorry
about that pun :) !
Gil
A FRIENDLY COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© Copyright Gil Mann
These columns can be found at www.beingjewish.org. Not
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All I ask is that you never charge anyone for them and that you
also include this little copyright notice. Thank You!
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