Dear
Readers,
These columns began on my area of America Online, called: Judaism
Today: Where Do I Fit? People anonymously
sent me E-Mail, and I began to choose one for a public response
in my Jewish E-Mail of the Week column. The column has become
quite popular and is now syndicated internationally in many
Jewish papers and websites. I hope you find they help you
as you think about the Ethics, Spirituality and Peoplehood
components of the Jewish way of Life. I welcome your
comments... see the end of the column.
Gil
PS
Teachers and others, feel free to copy my columns and forward
them or use them as you see fit. Please see the friendly
copyright notice at the end. |
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Jewish
Women Only Care About..... A Non-Jew Reacts
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Little
did I know when I posted the 3/5
Response of the Week entitled: Jewish
Women Only Care About..., that I would
get such a strong reaction. This
posting generated the 2nd most emails
to me I have ever received (only
surpassed by the Merry Christmas??
response of 12/24.)
I
heard from lots of women who objected
to the writer's generalizations and
also from some women who generalized
about Jewish men. I also heard from
some Jewish men who agreed with the
original letter.
Many
of the people who wrote, told me that
they were glad that I had raised the
subject of singles and dating. In
addition a number of writers said the
subject deserves more discussion. Even
without these requests, the volume of
email led me to the same conclusion.
So,
I want to encourage that discussion by
suggesting that you post your thoughts
on the message board in my area
called: Response of the Week. In
addition, this week, I will continue
the discussion with a couple of
different twists based on the
following email I received:
Dear
Gil:
I
read your response of the week. It
hurts me to hear people say that all
people of one kind or another, do
anything. It also hurt me when you
reminded us all that there was a time,
not so long ago, that a non-Jew would
never even consider marrying a Jew. I
hope someday we'll all stop excluding
groups of people for arbitrary
reasons.
L
P.S.
I really enjoy your site. I hope it's
okay if I'm not a Jew.
Dear
L:
First
things first, not only is it OK that
you are not Jewish...I think it is
great that you visit my site and enjoy
it! Please keep on visiting!
Moving
on to your other comments: How ironic
that a non-Jew point out the danger of
us stereotyping each other. Thank you
for doing so. I agree with you that
generalizing about groups of people is
hurtful. Even though most of us
probably do some of this generalizing
from time to time it tends to be
inaccurate, unfair and usually
non-constructive (to say the least.)
I
have 2 reactions to your comment about
non-Jews marrying Jews. On the one
hand your sensitivity and hurt about
non-Jews rejecting Jews is
appreciated. I think over the years,
many non-Jews rejected Jews for
anti-Semitic reasons. Thankfully, this
has dissipated considerably.
On
the other hand, as opposed to what you
wrote (with every good intention I
believe,) I think that many people
choose or chose not to marry outside
of their religions for very good
reasons--not "arbitrary"
ones--namely: incompatible beliefs and
practices.
That
is not to say a couple from two
different religions can not get along
or have a wonderful relationship. The
intermarriage message board in my area
describes some of these marriages.
At
the same time, the problems faced by
many intermarried couples---especially
once children show up--are legendary.
I have heard from many involved in
inter faith dating or marriage who
feel that love will conquer all. Their
plan relative to the kids is simple:
"we will just raise our children
in both religions and then they can
choose for themselves when they are
older."
This
plan may be a noble one, but I don't
think it is simple or fair to the
kids. I am not talking about
celebrating everybody's holiday so the
kids get twice as many presents and
get to enjoy everybody's traditions.
It seems to me that, in effect, such
couples are saying to their kids:
"we both feel so attached to our
own religions that neither of us was
willing to give ours up. So we are
raising you in both religions. When
you are older you can choose mom's
family's religion vs. dad's family's
religion."
That
choice alone is difficult, but what
makes this scenario even more of a
challenge is that religions are
significantly different from each
other. While it is true that the 3
religions that most of us are familiar
with (Judaism, Christianity and Islam)
share some basic beliefs, each also
has some dramatically divergent views
when talking specifics....and life is
made up of the specifics.
This
subject is a hot one, as are--it
seems--all the issues related to being
Jewish, single and dating. I suspect
that what you and I have written will
stimulate even more discussion. I
think that is good. I also think it is
good that you have shared your unique
vantage point. I appreciated your
thoughts and hope others will as well.
Thanks
for writing!
Gil
A FRIENDLY COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© Copyright Gil Mann
These columns can be found at www.beingjewish.org. Not
only do I give you permissions to copy these Jewish Email
columns...I HOPE YOU WILL and that you share them with others!
All I ask is that you never charge anyone for them and that you
also include this little copyright notice. Thank You!
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