Dear
Readers,
These columns began on my area of America Online, called: Judaism
Today: Where Do I Fit? People anonymously
sent me E-Mail, and I began to choose one for a public response
in my Jewish E-Mail of the Week column. The column has become
quite popular and is now syndicated internationally in many
Jewish papers and websites. I hope you find they help you
as you think about the Ethics, Spirituality and Peoplehood
components of the Jewish way of Life. I welcome your
comments... see the end of the column.
Gil
PS
Teachers and others, feel free to copy my columns and forward
them or use them as you see fit. Please see the friendly
copyright notice at the end. |
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Jewish
Women Only Care About.....
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Dear
Gil:
I
am proud to be a Jew, and I will
certainly marry and raise my children
to be Jews as well. There is no
question about this, for what else am
I, if not Jewish? However, I can say
with almost absolute certainty that I
will probably not marry a Jewish girl,
because we have remarkably different
values about what's important in
making a relationship work.
Why?
Because many Jewish women expect to be
"taken care of" (read: live
very well). This is fine with me. The
problem, Gil, is that their
expectations are unrealistic. By
forcing us to submit to "the
interview" that so many men
complain about, they expect us to be
able to show at the outset of the
dating relationship that we are
capable of providing them (and future
children) with the standard of living
that their parents attained, or
better.
In
contrast, my Asian girlfriends have
never cared how much money I make.
What's important to them is that I
know how to have fun and still treat
them like ladies, in addition to being
responsible enough to keep a good job.
Jewish men are marrying Asian women in
increasing numbers because these women
take a traditional view of the
male/female relationship. They know
how to take care of us (and they do),
in addition to knowing how to be taken
care of (and showing their
appreciation for it). Moreover, their
values tend to be centered around
making the relationship work, rather
than in how well they'll be able to
live. These are some of the qualities
I've found in dating Asian women.
My
future children will be raised Jewish,
and my future wife will attend temple
--as a Jew by choice. If this scenario
bothers my Jewish-by-birth sisters,
they have no one to blame but
themselves. They have
"priced" themselves out of
reach of the nice Jewish boys they
claim they really want. Money and
material goods are not the most
important things. Happiness with the
right partner is.
B
Dear
B:
I
must start by telling you that I
received a letter from a single Jewish
woman just a few days after yours
which sounded similar to your letter.
She is a successful, intelligent, well
groomed professional who loves
cooking, pets and kids. But she has
found that Jewish men only seem
interested in thin blondes.
Conclude
what you want. I conclude there is a
breakdown in the ability for single
Jews to meet the single Jew of their
dreams...even though I believe that he
or she is out there. I am sure things
were much easier when Jews
geographically lived much closer to
each other (as in quasi or actual
ghettos) or in the days when most
non-Jews would not even entertain the
thought of marrying a Jew. A far cry
from today! I surmise that out of
frustration, many singles have begun
to categorize all Jewish singles of
the opposite sex as being this or
that.
In
addition, I feel compelled to say, I
don't think there is such a thing as a
group of people (i.e. Asians) who
provide the solution to ones marital
desires, nor would I say that all
Jewish men or women are this or that.
A case in point, I have a Jewish
friend who has just gone through a
bloody divorce from an Asian woman
(who converted to Judaism and promised
to raise the kids Jewish.) From what I
can gather a big part of their
problems had to do with irreconcilable
cultural differences--though he was
once as wild about Asian woman as you
sound.
In
sum I am saying please be careful
about generalizing. Not only do I
think this practice is unfair and
inaccurate, but also, as Jews we
should especially know the dangers of
generalizing about groups of people.
In
addition, I recognize from the email I
get and from seeing the world today,
that finding another Jew who is the
right match is especially challenging
and often painful.
I
do have one suggestion: check out the
singles area online of JCOMM. "No
way!" May be your first thought.
"I would never do that!" I
say, hold on! They have had some
amazing success stories. There is no
harm in looking. So go take a look.
I'll
close by wishing you luck in finding
that special one. I hope that someday
you are rewarded with the Jewish wife
and children of your dreams.
Thanks
for writing,
Gil
Below
is a short postscript:
After
I wrote to to this person, he sent me
a second letter saying (in part):
....I
never meant to generalize about all
Jewish single women, nor to imply that
Asian women are necessarily
"the" marital answer for
anyone who's still looking. In fact,
one of my male friends who just
happens to be Chinese (as well as
married to one) swears that Chinese
women can be as demanding as
anyone....
In
addition he told me he was going to
check the JCOMM singles area. Again, I
hope he and every other Jewish single
who reads this, finds the Jewish
person they are looking for.
As
always, I invite your comments....
Thanks!
Gil
A FRIENDLY COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© Copyright Gil Mann
These columns can be found at www.beingjewish.org. Not
only do I give you permissions to copy these Jewish Email
columns...I HOPE YOU WILL and that you share them with others!
All I ask is that you never charge anyone for them and that you
also include this little copyright notice. Thank You!
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