Dear Readers, These columns began on my area of America Online, called:  Judaism Today:  Where Do I Fit?   People anonymously sent me E-Mail, and I began to choose one for a public response in my Jewish E-Mail of the Week column. The column has become quite popular and is now syndicated internationally in many Jewish papers and websites.  I hope you find they help you as you think about the Ethics, Spirituality and Peoplehood components of the Jewish way of Life.  I welcome your comments... see the end of the column. Gil PS  Teachers and others, feel free to copy my columns and forward them or use them as you see fit.  Please see the friendly copyright notice at the end.

Synagogue Dues: A Horror Story

Dear Gil:

I'm not sure you have ever come across a problem like this before. Over ten years ago, we joined a congregation and became active---I eventually was appointed to the Board of Trustees, and held various executive board positions. Our children, have attended Religious School from the tender age of two (Jewish Nursery) and have continued until now. Our daughter's Bat Mitzvah is soon. She is a bright and eager student in the top of her class. In the past, my husband and I have had money problems. We've spent endless hours volunteering at the synagogue, feeling that what we lacked in money we made up in time and dedication. At the beginning of this year, my husband made a contractual agreement to give the synagogue a set amount of money each month, which would end in this summer. My husband, at the age of 49, suffered a heart attack, and while in the hospital, I found out that one of our bills had been double paid. I inadvertently stopped payment on the wrong check.... the check to the synagogue. We immediately contacted them and told them we would make it up... but because of this, they considered the contract "null and void" and made high financial demands on us. Due to our lack of funds, a friend of our family decided to give our daughter her bat mitzvah party, since we were paying the synagogue and could not afford a party. Even though we tried to pay them as much as we can afford, we have just found out, only months before our daughter's Bat Mitzvah, that we are no longer members of the synagogue. The last check we paid to them came back in our unopened envelope. I understand that the synagogue needs money to run... I've been active for many years and have sat through many budget meetings. Early this year we declared bankruptcy. Because of our beliefs, we deliberately left the synagogue's name off because we still wanted to pay them. We could have had the debt totally written off. My husband was told by the president of the congregation that it is "not their job" to Bat Mitzvah our daughter. I understand the business aspects of running a synagogue, but when does the human element come into play here? I am really at a loss. My daughter and my family are hurting terribly over this.... what can we do?

L

Dear L:

I am aghast! Your story is so dreadful that it is difficult to believe. I have heard stories in the past complaining about synagogue dues, but nothing has approached your horror story. I will take your letter at face value having obviously not heard what the synagogue has to say.

My main reaction is shock and embarrassment. I can't fathom how any synagogue board or any Jews could act so heartlessly. Judaism regularly emphasizes compassion and yet this is the last thing you received... from of all places, your synagogue!

Many people don't think of synagogues as organizations with financial obligations. Yet in your letter and in your actions you have shown that you understand that the synagogue has budgets and bills to be dealt with. In spite of this, your synagogue has treated you in a most insulting way.

Still you have chosen to be members of this synagogue for reasons that must be important to you. One of them I suspect is the rabbi. This seems to me to be a time to call upon your rabbi for help. If you describe your situation to him/her as you did to me, I have to believe that your rabbi can find a compassionate way to solve this problem. And even though technically the rabbi answers to the board, the governance of a good synagogue in my mind is a partnership between the board and rabbi.

If your rabbi is not able to help, then get out of there. Find yourself a synagogue and rabbi that remembers the reasons they are there in the first place: to help Jews find spiritual meaning and ethical guidance navigating through life's challenges.

Please let me know what happens and keep me posted.

Good Luck!

Gil

A FRIENDLY COPYRIGHT NOTICE © Copyright Gil Mann These columns can be found at www.beingjewish.org.  Not only do I give you permissions to copy these Jewish Email columns...I HOPE YOU WILL and that you share them with others!  All I ask is that you never charge anyone for them and that you also include this little copyright notice.  Thank You!

Thanks,
Gil