Dear Readers, These columns began on my area of America Online, called:  Judaism Today:  Where Do I Fit?   People anonymously sent me E-Mail, and I began to choose one for a public response in my Jewish E-Mail of the Week column. The column has become quite popular and is now syndicated internationally in many Jewish papers and websites.  I hope you find they help you as you think about the Ethics, Spirituality and Peoplehood components of the Jewish way of Life.  I welcome your comments... see the end of the column. Gil PS  Teachers and others, feel free to copy my columns and forward them or use them as you see fit.  Please see the friendly copyright notice at the end.

YOU DON'T LOOK JEWISH!

Dear Gil:

I have heard the phrase "You don't LOOK Jewish!" as long as I can remember, when asked about my religious beliefs. It is true, I do not have the typical dark hair, (mine is red), my eyes are grey-green, and I have missed out on the typical "Jewish" nose, too.

I do not ask anyone their religious preference, but when they ask me & I respond in truth, I am always stunned by THAT PHRASE. My initial response is to say, "You don't LOOK Methodist (or whatever), but I can't -- it is too disrespectful, in spite of how they have reacted to me. Any suggestions??? By the way, I wear Jewish jewelry every day. Thank you.

N

Dear N:

Personally, I have had similar experiences as not only do I not look "stereotypically" Jewish, but also, my name is WASPy sounding. The irony in my case is that Gil, is not short for Gilbert. I was born in Israel and Gil, my given name, is a modern Hebrew name, (pronounced in Hebrew more like "geel.")

This topic is relevant to raise so close to Purim. Throughout the Purim story we read of Jewish identity hidden and revealed. Queen Esther's attractive appearance is a critical part of the story though we are told little about her looks. But we do know that she hid her Jewishness and this played a role in her intervening to save the Jewish people.

Apparently, her looks did not say "I am Jewish." When people have commented to me about not looking Jewish, I am not offended. I don't give their comment much weight, viewing it as neutral though I know that in reality, their attitude could be a positive or negative toward Jews. My response has been: "You should go to Israel. There you will see Jews of every color, shape and size. This is because Judaism is not a race. Judaism is a way of life -- anyone can convert and become a member of the Jewish people."

A second response that I offer to you is a recommendation to see the movie: Europa Europa. The movie is an amazing but true story of a Jewish boy in Germany who gets involved in the Nazi youth movement during World War II. Much of the movie deals with the physical description of Jews according to Nazi and Aryan ideology. Some scenes are so absurd and powerful that anyone watching the movie would have to reexamine their thinking about the way Jews "look."

Having said that and having met Jews from all over the world, I will confess that in my experience most of the Jews I have met have dark hair and brown eyes. HOWEVER, my own son is blond! In the summer, he looks like one of the Beach Boys! (My wife and I and the rest of our kids all have dark hair.)

Looking at him everyday reminds me of the problem of stereotypes. For a further reminder of the inaccuracy and trouble of stereotypes, I'll end with this E-Mail that I recently received that came under the subject: Black Jews

Dear Gil:

I welcome the day when I as a black Jew will walk into a shul and be readily accepted for who I am...a Jew. I hate always having to explain all about me. I hurt sometimes to feel the eyes, trying to figure me out. I look forward to the day when all Jews will be warmly welcomed...until then....I guess I'll kept pressing thru.

I have received other similar E-Mails from Black Jews. There are lessons to be learned from all of this E-Mails and the story of Purim. As Jews and as people, our appearances are not what matters. Judging others and being judged based on looks is often inaccurate and hurtful. I thank you both for writing and reminding us!

Gil

A FRIENDLY COPYRIGHT NOTICE © Copyright Gil Mann These columns can be found at www.beingjewish.org.  Not only do I give you permissions to copy these Jewish Email columns...I HOPE YOU WILL and that you share them with others!  All I ask is that you never charge anyone for them and that you also include this little copyright notice.  Thank You!

Thanks,
Gil