Dear
Readers,
These columns began on my area of America Online, called: Judaism
Today: Where Do I Fit? People anonymously
sent me E-Mail, and I began to choose one for a public response
in my Jewish E-Mail of the Week column. The column has become
quite popular and is now syndicated internationally in many
Jewish papers and websites. I hope you find they help you
as you think about the Ethics, Spirituality and Peoplehood
components of the Jewish way of Life. I welcome your
comments... see the end of the column.
Gil
PS
Teachers and others, feel free to copy my columns and forward
them or use them as you see fit. Please see the friendly
copyright notice at the end. |
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THE
TROUBLE WITH JAPs (JEWISH AMERICAN
PRINCESSES)
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Dear
Readers:
In
response to my last series of columns
about singles, dating and
intermarriage I received a number of
emotional emails reacting to comments
others had made about JAPs--Jewish
American Princesses. Here are 5 edited
samples:
#1:
"JAP" is a cruel,
demeaning, anti-Semitic, women-hating
denomination. Worse, it sets Jewish
men against Jewish women in harmful
and hurtful ways.
#2:
If bright, active, articulate,
assertive women are going to be
reviled and shamed, as Jews(!) by
their fellow Jews this only gives
permission, to the non-Jewish world to
revile Jewish women as Jews. We all
know females of every age (and various
ethnicies) who are arrogant,
presumptive and obnoxious. Do these
traits arise from Jewishness? Think,
men, think! (and you women, too, who
loosely use that phrase.)
#3:
To claim that Jewish Princesses
don't exist is not true. Unfortunately
the ease and relative luxury of the
basic North American lifestyle has
turned many Jewish girls into
pampered, materialistic and vain
shells. However, I believe that if a
man truly wants a Jewish mate, and is
willing to make the effort to seek her
out through Jewish venues and
channels, he will be able to sift
through the more visible ranks of the
superficial and 'High Maintenance'
models in order to find the kind,
friendly, educated, hard-working,
genuine girls and women who are
waiting to meet him.
#4:
My daughter attached herself to a
non-Jewish man because she believed
that a Jewish man would not look at
her twice, since she considers herself
to be 'shy' and not a strict follower
of the latest fashion, overdone make
up and hairstyles. You see? There are
many down-to-earth women who are aware
that Jewish men have superficial
standards, too.
#5:
Many men want a woman who looks
good in fur and jewels...because of
what it says about the man -- that he
has financially made it. In addition,
many men feel threatened by an
intelligent woman.
Most
of the people who wrote to me about
this subject were women and they are
justifiably upset about the
generalization. Yet, two male writers
in a prior column flat out said, they
do want to pamper their wives and
treat them like princesses....just as
they saw their fathers treat their
mothers. So what is fact and what is
fiction about JAPs?
In
the book: Fighting to Become
Americans, Assimilation and the
Trouble between Jewish Women and
Jewish Men, Dr. Riv-Ellen Prell
rejects the stereotype that all Jewish
women "require everything, give
nothing and are fixated on
buying."
She
argues that many Jewish AND non-Jewish
woman AND men can be described this
way...because this is really a
description of the quintessential
materialistic consumer in our society.
Jews and non-Jews both succumb to and
reject this societal pressure from
such forces as advertising, peer
pressure, TV sitcoms, etc., that teach
us: I want, I need, I must have, I
buy. But instead of blaming our
society for this pressure, Jews blame
Jews of the opposite sex.
She
also believes we call each other
spoiled princes and princesses because
we ourselves have adopted classic
anti-Semitic stereotypes. These old
time prejudices include insults about
Jews and money, control, Jewish
physiques, passivity, failure to work
or do physical labor and even the tone
of our voices. The non-Jewish world
has given us these slurs...and now we
utter them about ourselves.
In
addition, she makes the case that the
origin of some of the stereotyping may
be the efforts made by many Jews to
fit in as minority immigrants in a new
country with a non-Jewish culture. So,
our self critique of how we appear,
behave, dress and speak has historical
roots in the discomfort of feeling
different.
Personally,
I would suggest further that part of
fitting in over time has been a drive
by many Jewish men and women to
succeed financially and in status and
to outwardly show this success in
society. The exaggerated JAP
stereotype is one of the results.
In
a few paragraphs unfortunately, I
cannot do justice to her book or this
subject. In sum, I'd say that
perpetuating this stereotype is
harmful and not fair to our people and
to single Jews of either sex who are
earnestly seeking to find, date and/or
marry another Jew.
Finally,
to those men and women who feel they
are unfairly labeled JAP -- I suggest
you regularly demonstrate by
generously sharing your time and money
that in truth, you're a kind and
giving Jew....you will be noticed by
another kind and giving Jew.
Gil
A FRIENDLY COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© Copyright Gil Mann
These columns can be found at www.beingjewish.org. Not
only do I give you permissions to copy these Jewish Email
columns...I HOPE YOU WILL and that you share them with others!
All I ask is that you never charge anyone for them and that you
also include this little copyright notice. Thank You!
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