Dear
Readers,
These columns began on my area of America Online, called: Judaism
Today: Where Do I Fit? People anonymously
sent me E-Mail, and I began to choose one for a public response
in my Jewish E-Mail of the Week column. The column has become
quite popular and is now syndicated internationally in many
Jewish papers and websites. I hope you find they help you
as you think about the Ethics, Spirituality and Peoplehood
components of the Jewish way of Life. I welcome your
comments... see the end of the column.
Gil
PS
Teachers and others, feel free to copy my columns and forward
them or use them as you see fit. Please see the friendly
copyright notice at the end. |
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HOW
TO FIND A SINGLE ELIGIBLE JEW
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Dear
Readers:
In
my last column called Dating and
Marrying a Non-Jew, I asked to hear
from you with suggestions or
experiences about finding a single
Jew. From the email that came in I
conclude two things. First, finding
that special Jewish single is very
difficult. Two, if there is a will,
there is a way. Here are 7 suggestions
from readers in the trenches:
Excerpt
#1 is from is from a woman who
recently remarried (in her late 40's)
after several years of dating:
"I
have spoken to lots of single women
who kvetched about how hard it is to
find a Jewish man. When pressed about
how hard they tried, most of them
expected guys to find them. They had once
answered an ad or once went on
a blind date, or once went to a
singles event. Many have totally
unrealistic expectations – you will
never meet a perfect person – they
don't exist on earth, only in Heaven.
I
attended a singles discussion group
where most of the people looked like
refugees from the dumpster. One man,
wearing a filthy T-shirt, spoke about
needing to feel attracted to a woman
before he asks her out – well, who's
going to be attracted to a total
slob??? The first meeting is like a
job interview – prepare for it. I do
not wear make-up besides lipstick, and
I don't wear expensive clothes or
ostentatious jewelry. But, I dress
appropriately for the occasion,
neatly, with clean clothes and shoes
and comb my hair."
Excerpt
#2: "A few guidelines for
meeting Jewish singles:
I.
Do some volunteer work. You will meet
like minded people. They will be
generous with their time and
passionate about Jewish issues. (I am
a Jewish woman who met my husband at a
seminar for Jewish single
professionals sponsored by our local
Federation.)
II.
Don't look for perfection. If a man
doesn't dress well you can buy him
clothes. When I got married, I
had a 'Love Your Hubby Day' every few
months. I'd pick out a few outfits
bring them home and he'd pick the ones
he liked. He now has an idea of what
matches and no longer wears two
different plaids together.
III.
Treat his/her friends and family the
same way you treat yours!
IV.
Be a mench, others will see those
qualities and want you for a
sister-in-law or cousin. Many woman
have asked to meet my single brother.
It is a great network.
V.
Go to shul not bars."
Excerpt
#3 comes from a reader involved with
this organization:
Yachad
("Together") -The European
Jewish Singles Network organizes
"get togethers" across the
continent and throughout the year, and
offers Jewish singles a chance to
travel, relax, make new friends, learn
about other communities and exchange
views on contemporary Jewish issues.
The events organized over the past
five years have brought together more
than 1500 people. YACHAD participants
range in age from 30 to 50 and come
from a variety of backgrounds and
communities...including North America.
For more info, Email to: Yachad@ecjc.org
or go to the website: http://www.ecjc.org/
Excerpt
#4 --Though getting fixed up is often
resisted, there is some wisdom here:
"As
to where to meet that special someone,
there's always that pushy aunt with
the friend whose daughter just got
back from the kibbutz...."
Excerpt
#5 But what does she look like? Well,
the reality is few of us look like
models. Below is a realistic and
positive way to find your soul mate:
"I
started a website called Big Beautiful
Jewish Women and Handsome Jewish Men
because I wish to meet a Jewish man,
but I am an overweight single Jewish
woman and I hadn't been able to meet
anyone Jewish who was interested in a
bigger woman. The site is for men and
women looking for their beshert and
don't care if a person is full
figured/plus size. It is free,
however, people who wish to join have
to sign up with Yahoo.com. The address
is: http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/bigbeautifuljewishwomen
Excerpt
#6
"I
met my future husband through AOL as
corny as it may seem. We knew people
in common but we are 2 totally
different people who have never
married before (we are both 38
now)." (Note from Gil--to access
the area and also read about other
success stories go to: www.Jewish.com/personals
or AOL Keyword Jewish
Singles)
Excerpt
#7 Finally, this email from a young
Jewish man:
"The
frequent use of
"matchmakers" (paid by
commission for successful matches) by
Orthodox singles seems to be working
for them. And why shouldn't it? Our
people have been doing this for
centuries! I probably have many
ancestors who were "matched"
by an independent third party, but
until recently, I wouldn't even
consider it because I viewed it as
antiquated. I have decided that I need
not feel old-fashioned. I'll give it a
try, and I can take pride in
participating in a special tradition
of my people. I just hope I can find a
matchmaker who matches Jews who are
not Orthodox!" (PS from
Gil...I know that there are such
matchmakers and they are successful!)
There
you have it readers. Thanks to the
many who wrote in. One additional
suggestion I'll add is that national
Jewish organizations (like UJC)
sponsor single missions to Israel and
national conventions for "young
leadership." These are a
wonderful way to do good and meet
singles besides.
In
closing, finding another single Jew is
clearly not easy. But equally clear to
me from my email is that success is
definitely possible. I hope single
readers will be encouraged by these
suggestions and find them helpful. I
wish my single readers luck in finding
their beshert.
Gil
A FRIENDLY COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© Copyright Gil Mann
These columns can be found at www.beingjewish.org. Not
only do I give you permissions to copy these Jewish Email
columns...I HOPE YOU WILL and that you share them with others!
All I ask is that you never charge anyone for them and that you
also include this little copyright notice. Thank You!
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