Dear
Readers,
These columns began on my area of America Online, called: Judaism
Today: Where Do I Fit? People anonymously
sent me E-Mail, and I began to choose one for a public response
in my Jewish E-Mail of the Week column. The column has become
quite popular and is now syndicated internationally in many
Jewish papers and websites. I hope you find they help you
as you think about the Ethics, Spirituality and Peoplehood
components of the Jewish way of Life. I welcome your
comments... see the end of the column.
Gil
PS
Teachers and others, feel free to copy my columns and forward
them or use them as you see fit. Please see the friendly
copyright notice at the end. |
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DATING
AND MARRYING A NON-JEW
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After
running my last column called
"Now Intermarriage is
Funny?", I heard from a number of
people with strong opinions, most were
either intermarried or single.
To
sum them up, I would say that most
writers were proud of their Judaism
and somewhat to very conflicted over
intermarriage. Some would have
preferred to marry another Jew, but
for one reason or another that is not
what happened and they fell in love
with a non-Jew. Intermarried
writers made a point of describing how
their non-Jewish spouses were
wonderful people and soul mates.
The
single people who wrote were
frustrated at the difficult time they
had finding another Jewish person.
I have heard this complaint many times
from Jewish men and women in big
cities and small and decided to ask
for suggestions from readers. To
get you thinking, I am offering you 2
edited emails that ironically came in
right after each other. I took
this as a sign that I should share
them. See what you think.
Dear
Gil:
I
read your article about intermarriage.
I am 60 year old grandfather. I
am about to remarry to a very lovely
Jewish lady (my first wife was also
Jewish.) When I started to date
I decided that the first requirement
was that the women I would date would
be Jewish. I wanted to have some
basic beliefs in common with them.
I
have often wondered why Jewish men
want gentile women and Jewish women
want gentile men. I have heard
some men say that Jewish women are
princesses. So what? Our
fathers treated our mothers well, why
wouldn't we want to treat our wives
well? By the way, I have noticed
that most of the Jewish men married to
non-Jewish women end up making these
women into Jewish Princesses.
I
know that some intermarriages are
successful, but how difficult is it to
live and raise children with someone
who doesn't understand who you are and
how you have been raised?
Dear
Gil,
I
read your column with interest.
I am a 59 year old who was brought up
in an Orthodox environment.
Growing up, I attended Yeshiva and
have conducted services for many years
at synagogues across the country.
I
remarried a number of years ago to a
wonderful, lady (who is not of the
Jewish faith). I look at her as
a human being who is compassionate,
understanding and loving. The
greatest love of my entire life.
To
be perfectly honest with you, I have
been married to a Jewish lady and
dated many Jewish woman after my
divorce. In ALL these cases I
experienced the same thing, "
JEWISH AMERICAN PRINCESS."
It is indeed very difficult to be in a
relationship where in EACH case your
partner wanted to run your life.
Domineering woman who need to take a
course in understanding and loving.
Not someone who wants to change who
you are.
I
continue my Jewish faith even stronger
than before, and do not regret for one
moment my decision of marrying a
non-Jew. I strongly believe that
you will find many Jewish men who feel
the same way that I do.
D
By
the way, I shared a portion of email
#1 with D and he responded by thanking
me and said he was indeed turning his
wife into a princess and added:
"Whether you are Jewish or non
Jewish a husband should always treat
their wife with respect and love as
our parents did."
Which
leads me back to the request I have of
you my readers. As you just
read, two Jewish guys with very
different takes on Jewish woman.
I regularly hear from Jewish singles
telling me that the expectations that
both Jewish men and Jewish women have
of the opposite sex are outrageous and
unreasonable. I won't list all
the complaints here.
Furthermore, meeting another single
Jew is so difficult.
Last
week, I also heard from a frustrated
single Jewish woman who is a
successful and very articulate
professional. I told her that I would
send out a call to readers for
suggestions. How can Jewish
singles find each other? What
can they do? What can Jewish
organizations do? What about the
expectations singles have of each
other?
In
particularly, I'd like to ask for
people to share success stories in the
hope that there are nuggets of wisdom
that others can benefit from. I
look forward to hearing from you.
Gil
A FRIENDLY COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© Copyright Gil Mann
These columns can be found at www.beingjewish.org. Not
only do I give you permissions to copy these Jewish Email
columns...I HOPE YOU WILL and that you share them with others!
All I ask is that you never charge anyone for them and that you
also include this little copyright notice. Thank You!
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