Dear Readers, These columns began on my area of America Online, called:  Judaism Today:  Where Do I Fit?   People anonymously sent me E-Mail, and I began to choose one for a public response in my Jewish E-Mail of the Week column. The column has become quite popular and is now syndicated internationally in many Jewish papers and websites.  I hope you find they help you as you think about the Ethics, Spirituality and Peoplehood components of the Jewish way of Life.  I welcome your comments... see the end of the column. Gil PS  Teachers and others, feel free to copy my columns and forward them or use them as you see fit.  Please see the friendly copyright notice at the end.

Did you hear the one about the Jew...?

Dear Gil:

I am serving in an Air Force Reserve Unit overseas. Two of my closest friends here are Jewish and I'm African American. Every day at work I go on and on with my Jewish jokes and they go on with their Black jokes.

It's all in good fun, but recently my commanding officer told me to lay off the Jew jokes. I couldn't believe it!  How the heck is it OK to make Black jokes and not Jew jokes? It's between friends and there's an understanding there. My commander told me that because of the Holocaust Jews have slack that way.

I'm lost.

K

Dear K:

In this age of workplace related lawsuits (and political correctness) really the question to ask is:  Are any ethnic jokes OK?  At first, I thought legal reasons motivated your commander to forbid Jewish jokes...but if that was the reason, then he/she should forbid all ethnic jokes.

As for his/her explanation about the Holocaust, while I appreciate the sensitivity, Jews don't deserve any special leeway. I think your commander should ban all ethnic jokes.  In the workplace they have the potential to create major problems.  Controlling who hears what, who is offended and the general atmosphere they create is difficult.  Ethnic jokes at work, are nothing but trouble.

Now, you say, this is between friends and all in good fun.  If you joke privately that is a different matter.  But before going further, I will make a distinction.  Jews joking amongst themselves about Jews or any other group joking about themselves is like an internal family joke.  The jokes certainly can have negative consequences, but generally, I don't judge this harshly.  We need to laugh at ourselves.

But joking about other ethnic groups is much more complicated.  Guidance should come from the question: What is the end result of the joking?  Specifically:

     When you walk away from the joke, do you truly respect the joke teller?

     When you walk away from the joke, what do you honestly think about the ethnic group?

Your initial reaction might be "Come on!  These are just jokes.  They do not impact my opinion of the joke teller or the ethnic group."  I'm not so sure.  Often, I believe negative attitudes and thoughts are reinforced through ethnic jokes.

Now, I am not going to say I have not told or laughed at ethnic jokes.  However, as I've gotten older, they make me increasingly uncomfortable.  A case in point happened when a friend and I each told the other an ethnic joke over lunch.  A few hours later, we spoke again and almost simultaneously both expressed our regret over the jokes we exchanged.  We both felt we had lowered ourselves.

"Oh loosen up Gil, telling a joke does not mean you're prejudiced," you might say.  I'm not a psychologist or sociologist so I am not sure what telling these jokes really means.  But I do see plenty of potential downside for the teller, the listener and the ridiculed group. Which is one of the reasons Jewish law prohibits speaking and listening to language that might harm others.  This even includes sharing damaging information about another person that is true or just saying things in jest.

The power of speaking negatively about others is taken extremely seriously in Judaism.  Perhaps this is partially a result of being on the receiving end of extremely disparaging words (and then actions) over the centuries.  To learn more about what Judaism teaches about speaking about others, go to www.torah.org/learning/halashon

Judaism's lofty ideals about avoiding speaking about others are hard to live by (and would put Jackie Mason and Don Rickles out of business fast!)  Ethnic jokes will probably always be a part of life.  Yet, even as we may laugh, we need to be cognizant, cautious and honest with ourselves about the fine line between poking fun and poking daggers. 

Thanks for writing!
Gil

A FRIENDLY COPYRIGHT NOTICE © Copyright Gil Mann These columns can be found at www.beingjewish.org.  Not only do I give you permissions to copy these Jewish Email columns...I HOPE YOU WILL and that you share them with others!  All I ask is that you never charge anyone for them and that you also include this little copyright notice.  Thank You!

Thanks,
Gil