Dear Readers, These columns began on my area of America Online, called:  Judaism Today:  Where Do I Fit?   People anonymously sent me E-Mail, and I began to choose one for a public response in my Jewish E-Mail of the Week column. The column has become quite popular and is now syndicated internationally in many Jewish papers and websites.  I hope you find they help you as you think about the Ethics, Spirituality and Peoplehood components of the Jewish way of Life.  I welcome your comments... see the end of the column. Gil PS  Teachers and others, feel free to copy my columns and forward them or use them as you see fit.  Please see the friendly copyright notice at the end.

From A Child Of An Intermarriage

Dear Gil:

Being as I am only 15, I cannot order your book even if I want to (which I actually do). But maybe you can help me out. I am religious and I have been since I was younger. My father isn't Jewish, and when my parents got divorced, he became a religious Baptist. So, in my mind I was stuck between two religions. I knew that believing in a man too much wasn't good, so I knew that I wanted to be Jewish.

My mother wasn't much of an influence because she is only being Jewish cuz that's how she was born... so, I never had someone over me saying, "don't worry, Hashem is watching you" and stuff like that.

But, my question is: How do we know G-d exists and even if we did, WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL THIS, AND THAT? Its all too immense for me to understand...like thinking about how big the universe is and how deep and never-ending...

I feel like I am falling thru every time I try to figure out an answer on my own.

Please Respond,

T.

Dear T.

You ask difficult questions about God and "this and that" as you put it. I must start by saying that there is no way that I can give you certain answers to many of those kinds of questions. These are challenging questions for anyone whether they are 15 or a very old adult. The questions are all the more difficult to answer for a child like you who is being brought up by parents who have different religions.

You should know that struggling for these answers is a very Jewish thing to do. We are called the people Israel. The word "Israel" means to struggle with God. So your struggling is "kosher" so to speak.

You can find answers many places, but I always suggest kids start with their parents. In your case, sounds like your Mom and Dad would have very different answers -- which I will get to in a moment -- still, talk with your parents! Others to whom you should pose your questions are clergy, relatives, friends, school counselors and so on.

There are many wonderful resources in books and on the Internet. One book I always suggest is Harold Kushner's book To Life.

Two books that influenced my beliefs about God when I was a teen are Chaim Potok's famous novels The Chosen and The Promise....You might like them as well.

Related to your searching, your email and your struggles bring up an important issue that I alluded to earlier, about having one parent who is Jewish and another parent who is another religion. These couples often decide -- with good intentions -- that they will raise their children in both religions. In other words they will give their children the wonderful traditions of both Judaism and Christianity.

Some experts on intermarriage advise against this. They say this is much too hard for the kids. They advise to raise children in one religion or another...but not both. This is because, while Christianity and Judaism certainly have things in common, they also have some very major differences that are hard or impossible to merge.

You will encounter a perfect and difficult example of this when you ask your parents your questions about God. Judaism and Christianity have some significantly different ideas about God...and they are not compatible.  The most obvious is the Christian belief that Jesus is the messiah and son of God. Obviously, Judaism completely disagrees.

Asking kids to somehow reconcile differences like this is unfair and often painful -- after all the parents themselves are choosing to keep their own religions for themselves.  As one person wrote me...it is like asking the child to place one foot on each side of a canyon. Your letter shows just some of the difficulties a child of an intermarriage can face.

In closing, I want to encourage your questioning and searching and tell you that the difficulties you are encountering make sense to me and should not discourage you. In addition, I wanted to recommend 2 websites you and your parents might find helpful, for The Jewish Outreach Institute: www.joi.org and www.interfaithfamily.com. Both specialize in helping parents and their kids understand intermarriage issues and explore questions like those you are sent me. 

Hope these ideas help. Thanks for writing!

Gil

A FRIENDLY COPYRIGHT NOTICE © Copyright Gil Mann These columns can be found at www.beingjewish.org.  Not only do I give you permissions to copy these Jewish Email columns...I HOPE YOU WILL and that you share them with others!  All I ask is that you never charge anyone for them and that you also include this little copyright notice.  Thank You!

Thanks,
Gil